So, did I start on Monday? No, I didn't. I did what I said I was going to do over the weekend, I felt everything about being overweight and uncomfortable and I hated it. Not an epiphany, I already knew I hated it, and as usual the more I thought about it the more depressed I became about it and the more I sunk into my fat hole. I put off starting on Monday, on Tuesday but on Wednesday I bit the bullet and started. I drove to the gym and sat outside in the car having a panic attack for a good 10 minutes. I finally went in and was relieved when they suggested I come back later to speak to a trainer. So I went home and then went back later (I would usually call and cancel instead of going back, so that was an achievement in itself). I had a brief meeting with the trainer, he wasn't my cup of tea and I don't think I'll continue training with him after my first session tomorrow (he didn't train me, just showed me around) but at this stage I don't think I need a trainer anyway.
I also started looking around for a part time job, but my husband works away at irregular intervals so it just doesn't work out yet, not until all the kids are in school. So with that in mind I have made a commitment to myself. I am embarking on this journey instead of taking a job. Which means that I am committing to it as I would a job. I am committing to minimum 5 days cardio per week and 3 days weights. I have a plan and I have a goal. I'm not sure that I'm ready to put my goal out here yet, it's a very far off goal, it may be completely absurd, but it gives me a clear image in my mind of what I'm working towards instead of just 'lose weight, get fit, be healthy, yadda, yadda' - those things are obviously excellent goals but I need something specific I think. Anyway, whatever works yeah?
I am now learning about 'Clean Eating'. I have a bit of an unnatural obsession with nutrition so I already know a lot about the subject, but I've always been a reader and not a doer, so now I'm working at being a doer! Today has been my first full day of being on track with my food, although it wasn't completely clean as I used salad dressing on my salad. I tend to become overly obsessed in an 'all or nothing' type way with food so I need to learn moderation and consistency. I tend to work myself up into a panic over food as I over think everything and then get completely overwhelmed. So I need to take it slow and steady, just start with real food and then branch out later. I don't need to be incorporating every 'Super Food' known to mankind every day.
Breathe! One step, one day at a time.
I haven't worked out yet how often I will weigh and measure. I'll just play it by ear for now.
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